WOOOO HOOOOO!!!

Finally some good news!!! God is SOOOOO GOOOOOD.... At the last minute, I got offered a place to live here in Penn Valley from a Cutting horse breeder who has a 20 acre ranch here in town!!! They said I can stay on the ranch and take care of the place in exchange for living there. I'll get the place to myself since nobody lives there now and I can bring my horse and 2 dogs with me~!!!! The people who own it come down there twice a day to care for the horses and clean out the barn.. .but now with me living there, I can do all that... Saving them lots of trips and time.. Plus I can keep an eye on the place for them and they said it would be nice to have someone there...

SO YEAH!!! I don' t have to move to Montana! Although I was sort of wanting too.. my cabin up there is so nice, but I wouldn't have a job and with today's economic troubles.. it's better for me to stay here since I already have a business that does pretty well... :) :)


I'll post pictures soon!!!!

Gosh... been a looooooong time

Hey everyone... not that anyone really reads this, but I'm back to say that I'm moving back to Montana, probably in the next 2 weeks or so. Herb wants a divorce, so I'll give it to him... I'm so sick of this back and forth crap and I can't stand it anymore. My health has not been that great since I got back from Montana last year and I'm sure it's the stress.. When I was in Montana last year, I went into a remission that lasted almost 8 months without any medication at all and now I can't even go 1 day without medicine or I get sick as a dog..

Since my last post, I actually moved back in with Herb... it's been nothing but up and down ever since and he finally said he wants to end our marriage and that I can have the house in Montana as long as he can have the house here in California because this is where his business is..

( So, FINE.. HERB. you can have the house in California, Complete with a business, a nice horse barn, all the familiarity of the area, all the hard work I put into this place and I'll just walk away from it all and start all over, with no job, a huge truck payment and a house payment that I have NO idea how I am going to pay since I have to leave my OWN business so I can have a place to live that is my own.... I'll take myself and my dog and horse to a place in Montana and build a new life... It's so sad that you won't even put effort into seeking counseling... But then again, you never really put any effort into anything that had to do with US anyways... so why should now be any different.... )

Gee, I sound a little bitter don't I?? Sorry about that, but I'm pretty angry right now.. I'm sure it will get better over time, but it's been 10 years of marriage and I feel now that it's all been wasted..

OK.. enough of the pity party... I know that God is in control and that all things are working for the good since I believe in Him... it's just hard for me right now... I'm so consumed by all this crap that I don't even think about God hardly and I'm hoping that once I get to Montana that I can start to concentrate on my relationship with Christ since I won't have the distractions of a crappy marriage to deal with anymore...

I have a friend who once said to me "Do the right thing, Right now".. I totally get that, but I'm so screwed up that I literally don't know what the right thing to do is so I'm just trusting that God is leading me and all these hard roads are leading somewhere beautiful, peaceful and welcoming....

I am not sure when I'll be leaving yet, I have 2 horses to sell or give away since I can't afford to take care of all 3 of them on my own ( I Gotta keep my Cutting horse, Andy)... Then there's 2 goats and a whole mess of Chickens that I need to find homes for... So, I can't leave until I get all this stuff tended to... I'm hoping I can get it done soon as I want to get to Montana early this spring so I have good weather to find a job and get all settled in... The winters in Seeley Lake are very hard.. so I've got a lot of things I need to accomplish before next fall...

Ok, it's 1:43 in the morning and I have to get up at 0600 and work with "you know who" so I better get to falling asleep if that's even possible at this point...

I'll post again when I know more of what's heading my way... XOXO

Moved out

Hello, back again to say that I've moved out and am living at a ranch not too far from my other house.... It's not my place, but the people who own it are being kind enough to let me stay there with my dogs and horse. They are gone working in the bay area during the week so I'm alone all week and they are home on weekends. They like having me there during the week so I can watch over the ranch and take care of the chickens and horses... I hope things will work out between Herb and I eventually, but right now, we can't even get along for 10 minutes in the same room.... I can't write much right now because I'm so tired and can't think straight, but I'm doing ok and will post more later....

Going back to Montana

Hey again, Things are getting worse by the day and I'm deciding to probalby leave back for Montana this weekend or next weekend. On top of everything else, Herb's been taking my prescription pills behind my back and I just can't live like this anymore. He's a recovering alcoholic and has not had anything to drink in 12 years, but taking drugs, whatever kind they are, ends his length of sobriety if you ask me....

So, just wanted to check in and update anyone who might care enough to read this from time to time.

Once final decisions are made, I'll post back again to keep track of everything...

Same ol' Same Ol'

Well, things are getting back slowly but surely to the way they used to be before I left for Montana. Hubby quit going to counseling and says it's my fault because all I do is say what I think the counselor should hear and then get back home and don't change at all... BS! That's another excuse for him to not feel bad that he just wants to quit. Also, he's been getting lazy about the horses and helping around the house.. He was SO GOOD when I first got home from Montana, and when he got that draft horse, he was SO GOOD with helping me feed and care for them... I knew the novelty of having his own horse would wear off, just like the novelty of me.... and now he hardly helps me do anything with the horses or around the house. Before, he was into helping with the cleaning and feeding of the horses, helping me with cleaning the house, etc... now all he wants to do is the fun stuff and I do all the work. He has also got back into his leaving crap laying around the house... I don't know where this is all coming from... I'm afraid I'll be back in Montana within a year... .Maybe for good this time... He just doesn't want to put any effort into our relationship, unless it's something he wants.... The only way he has changed is to not argue with me so much, but that is such a small part of our entire marriage...

Boy, It's been a while

Back again finally.... I am actually back in California now. I got home on December 12th and things so far have been going pretty good. Hubby and I are going to Marriage Counseling. Counseling is a great thing if both people are willing to participate~! We have been learning so much about how we talk to each other and learning ways to improve out communication skills. We found a really good Christian Counselor and like her very much. Life is pretty much back to normal, with the exception of Herb and I getting along much better and really trying hard to be better to each other. We bought a new horse, actually Herb wanted a bigger horse to ride since my mare Quilceda is not quite big enough for him even though she's 15.3hh tall. We bought a Belgian draft horse and he's just the best guy! We named him Atticus and he's the sweetest kindest horse. Herb now feels he has his own horse and has been much more involved in taking care of the horses with me. It used to be "MY world' out there, but sometimes taking care of horses can be very hard work, so I'm SO happy that he doesn't mind helping me with all the barn chores now~! Here's a few pictures of me with my mare Sierra and Herb with his new baby "Atticus"... You can tell that Atticus is a big horse when you know that my husband is 6'5" tall~!

God is Good

OK, since I've been here (Montana that is), I've been doing a little more learning about how to share my faith, thanks to Dudley Rutherford of Shepherd of the Hills Church in Porter Ranch, CA. I used to attend SOTH regularly until moving away from the area.. I can't tell you all how excited I was to find the "Call On Jesus" website (http://www.callonjesus.com/) and found that I could listen to many past sermons and now watch the live ones via sattelite every Sunday!!! I even came up with an idea for when I get back to CA.. I'm planning on coming home this Tuesday and Wednesday, and as soon as I can arrange it, I'm going to invite some of my friends over and we can all watch the sermon as it happens from SOTH on my big screen TV... (I Can hook my computer up to it) I need to get home and get this ball rolling, I feel that this is a way I can share my faith with others and since I'm such a baby in Christ still, all I Have to do is provide the TV and the place to sit and watch and hopefully I can help bring some people to Christ that way! I'm so excited!!!!!