Gosh... been a looooooong time

Hey everyone... not that anyone really reads this, but I'm back to say that I'm moving back to Montana, probably in the next 2 weeks or so. Herb wants a divorce, so I'll give it to him... I'm so sick of this back and forth crap and I can't stand it anymore. My health has not been that great since I got back from Montana last year and I'm sure it's the stress.. When I was in Montana last year, I went into a remission that lasted almost 8 months without any medication at all and now I can't even go 1 day without medicine or I get sick as a dog..

Since my last post, I actually moved back in with Herb... it's been nothing but up and down ever since and he finally said he wants to end our marriage and that I can have the house in Montana as long as he can have the house here in California because this is where his business is..

( So, FINE.. HERB. you can have the house in California, Complete with a business, a nice horse barn, all the familiarity of the area, all the hard work I put into this place and I'll just walk away from it all and start all over, with no job, a huge truck payment and a house payment that I have NO idea how I am going to pay since I have to leave my OWN business so I can have a place to live that is my own.... I'll take myself and my dog and horse to a place in Montana and build a new life... It's so sad that you won't even put effort into seeking counseling... But then again, you never really put any effort into anything that had to do with US anyways... so why should now be any different.... )

Gee, I sound a little bitter don't I?? Sorry about that, but I'm pretty angry right now.. I'm sure it will get better over time, but it's been 10 years of marriage and I feel now that it's all been wasted..

OK.. enough of the pity party... I know that God is in control and that all things are working for the good since I believe in Him... it's just hard for me right now... I'm so consumed by all this crap that I don't even think about God hardly and I'm hoping that once I get to Montana that I can start to concentrate on my relationship with Christ since I won't have the distractions of a crappy marriage to deal with anymore...

I have a friend who once said to me "Do the right thing, Right now".. I totally get that, but I'm so screwed up that I literally don't know what the right thing to do is so I'm just trusting that God is leading me and all these hard roads are leading somewhere beautiful, peaceful and welcoming....

I am not sure when I'll be leaving yet, I have 2 horses to sell or give away since I can't afford to take care of all 3 of them on my own ( I Gotta keep my Cutting horse, Andy)... Then there's 2 goats and a whole mess of Chickens that I need to find homes for... So, I can't leave until I get all this stuff tended to... I'm hoping I can get it done soon as I want to get to Montana early this spring so I have good weather to find a job and get all settled in... The winters in Seeley Lake are very hard.. so I've got a lot of things I need to accomplish before next fall...

Ok, it's 1:43 in the morning and I have to get up at 0600 and work with "you know who" so I better get to falling asleep if that's even possible at this point...

I'll post again when I know more of what's heading my way... XOXO